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Tuesday, April 11, 2017


I am careful with the two men who turn on the trains
and most likely have firearms
I've had burned arms but never firearms
and never the look that I could blow off someone's head
only I could take someone apart intellectually
eventually holding them like a baby
then teaching them to take their shoes off at the door
going potty before we leave just in case
before long they will have a sticker chart and eat cucumber snacks
They will say I was the best mother because they will be prepared
for example to sit in a circle of metal folding chairs in center court
of a gymnasium for a group discussion during which their therapist
is pissed at everyone for wasting her time and the janitor is pissed
at us walking on the newly waxed floor
SHE died twenty years ago today when SHE was two and when SHE sort of expected it
The women of this house are either ignorant or knowledgeable but apparently always wrong
It turns out the Nuremberg Christmas angel is not Nazi
She was created during the thirty years' war before a particular type of racism
When racism was acceptable acceptable
Before I looked at all these little tchotchkes with shame and quick judgement
While wondering what it would be like to be in a culture that was not at all including me  
and in fact went out of its way to assault
A figurine a keepsake plate
Something hateful and familiar something that fully accepts violence

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