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Monday, April 17, 2017

Once in awhile I mistake beauty for chaos and go whirling dusk mirror sadness but even then it is extraordinarily welcome clasping hands so don't forget me I don't forget you

Once in awhile I mistake beauty for chaos and go whirling dusk mirror sadness but even then it is extraordinarily welcome clasping hands so don't forget me I don't forget you

Ivy-covered friends, friends with golden lashes sweeping scored cheeks friends' bare faces
turned up loud so they can hear each other interrupting that monotonous grief / happens 
because / what happens when you have more feelings than hours you step out on the road 
everyone must travel where I'm already / walking dusky back and forth oversized 
heart knocking me off balance I recover a goat's step and make a list of immortal familiars / I know
love isn't governed like the sea or the hunt / love / ungovernable and shadowed most 
nights I can't feel any company though salt blows in from the coast and other ions radiate
from the ground up turn the light out and lie / still / my heart grows vast and remembers 
how to print its own pig name 

or

I get so lonely I complain to Orion stuck in his obvious place hardly anyone 
bothers to look for him, he's there with his belt and sword I place my hand on his burning /
boot me out into the night and I'll just hunt for love I'll take a dagger to pin it down and I 
won't come home till morning, take my gown from me and leave me naked at the foot
of the godsmount the bed Orion's boots stall me from once more wasting time and money like 
a young girl comes back from the sea and her hand is frozen around the neck 
of a small dog her free hand gropes / grope along the road for that dark needle see
the women you have loved who have prevented / that dark needle bends against
my throat I lean into that dark / needle stitch / my head rolled off my throat and I  
stitch it back inexpertly. The sundrenched god tells me what's so obviously wrong 
with my hopes and dreams and never / was that my echostep on the road 
where it approaches the sea and cliffs take all sound out of the clanging 
visitor / visit me among caterpillars whose thick black bodies and gold 
punctures ready overfull

or

try again yet to dazzle me keep changing our lives I don't live here so I don't have to /
live anywhere my bull-faced tender friend knows where to find me my daughter knows
how to find me I'm guarded by a seabird and I'm making my bed in the night nest I bestow
my body on nightground spiders tick over my skin and my phone goes off with a thousand 
dark needles pointing to my throat my home is in my throat I feel especially lonely
it doesn't / mean you / didn't / love me I scream up at Orion in a bad mood knowing
he's immovable and grateful he won't tell anyone I think about packing my bags 
getting off this road maybe walking out into the desert without my phone without
my friends who believe in laws and crested beauty and bed down together certain secret
scheme of night I haven't / accessed. I spell my pig name my old name my flesh name
my throat with my voice call myself chapel call myself tongueless bird daughter once
whispering night's plans to her lover his starcold ear turned heavenly tuned / out /
one night no one calls

or

or

I know you treasured me and I you before I got so petty into time and money not because
I had any / I had anywhere else / to go I just / got impatient looking at the white lull
of my past and the white teeth of my future everything bit too near the quick belief
that every day must include pain / and I was / forever / it became a familiar hymn 
until bloodred throat was just the metaphor for noise and blood was just the metaphor 
for someone who'd outlived her brideliness / there was no such thing / as the human heart 
in love there was no beating / out the spell of names from tongues or gold leaf spilling 
over poppies spilling across the road from desert to sea the poppies visible from space 
gods living vast miles underworld. Walk all night and silent Orion keeps the tip 
of his sword pointed neatly beneath my shoulder blade I rely on so many types
of weapon to point / the dusky needle my mirror for how I move it isn't north or up
it's in and innermost

or 

it's the only place to stay on the road the guests hate it it feels wrong they can tell
each other all its flaws but they don't know / the worst part is it was built
with my hands. As though possessed. By an actuary, underworld equation pure
math sullied by temper and dislike / I know so many numbers but none of them solve
for me the problem of where I might go when I stop traveling this road not dying or / forging
my lot with travelers who then just leave me for dead / the dead / an undertow 
pulls the hem of my gown says go walking I take off through aster and veiny moonflower 
I suck / a briny bloom / your thick / heart you love me and heart you love me you
texters and gods who loved me by turns loosed me I remember / your pig names spell
them up to Orion this heavenly sorrow running my blood to silver on a new moon grave / give
me the taste for skin memory give me a heart like a vault for when all other riches 
water like a million mashed up diamonds have fled / flood from me.

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