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Thursday, April 6, 2017

When I Walk the Terminal I Mutter Incomprehensible Shit into a Sky That Is Not Even Somewhere

I amble never, afraid of certain gaits. Think of the government
that makes my body temple, as in not secular, as in what you put
inside of it is holy, a sacrament swirled in holy. My body temple
as in men have written it be done. My body temple as in part
of its violations are the awe of its ruins. I walk fast when necessary,
stamp my feet on whatever ground will take it, such that I never
do, afraid that to be a body is to be the heft of all bodies. I walk
fast and the terminal shutters against my force. My flight won’t
take off, not today, but I don’t know this yet. Enter security, body
so much temple my throat fixed with mortar, what we need to do
to objects we love, stuff them and brick them and shell them in/as
structures. TSA man tells me the fleece will have to go and I’m sweat
and pussy now, the scents rise like copper yeast to gods above,
I remove the fleece, my collarbones my shoulder bones yes the air
fucking greets me. TSA man summons me through security check,
says with what I believe to be wet mortar on his tongue, a milky
put your arms up, just like that. My armpits stink off the organic
deodorant, armpit hairs glisten, a sunlit dog at rest. I crunch through
a sugar crystal from lord knows when as he calls my ankle compromised,
as he says Tempted as I am by your leg, I’m a gentleman, so my
female colleague will assist. My body temple I temple myself to the
gratitude of men, a kind of sleeping pill for speech, I give into it.
Clear I zip my fleece, I run to a gate that will never take me back,
airport a zone unfit for any metaphor, itself already lodged behind
the lung of our imagination, a hub unfit for anything but holding,
not as a woman might her children or a fruit or shot of cum, dignity
there regardless of what else—but the hub is careless, as the figure who
leaves a dark room with a body still in it, as the figure who sees himself
a figure and the body another thing to be floated down the holy river

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