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Monday, April 30, 2018


Finish it.
            ~ Don Draper

Put one finger down put the next finger down then begin again put one finger down put the next finger down this is how to be a writer in case you forget in case your mother molests you in your bed every night in case you do not learn to speak for twenty & seven years because you are slammed into yourself put one finger down put the next finger down then begin again this is how you fly when your mother throws your violin your books your records one pair of patched jeans & you into the yard into the street into the wolf world before you have even begun to bleed put one finger down put the next finger down then begin again in case your great left toe freezes & gets gangrene & falls off inside your boot while you are a homeless teenage girl in a brutal Spokane winter in case you live outside or in a boarded up building or under the bridge & all  you think about is pain day after day in case you get caught stealing cheese from a bin in the grocery store & police chase you in the parking lot & pin your girl body to the curb put one finger down put the next finger down then begin again in case you are thirteen years old with a limp & dirty hair & you go to a motel with a strange man to have a shower in exchange for sex put one finger down then put the next finger down record every word hold that man in your chest & all the other men & all the other showers & all the other knives in your warm body your soft folds forever put one finger down put the next finger down & begin again in case an eight year old boy who is squatting in a house with you takes LSD & screams & can’t stop screaming because he thinks he is going to die in the toilet & you don’t know what to do because you are a child & squatting in a house put one finger down put the next finger down play the keyboard like a stupid drum in case you marry at seventeen to escape the streets put one finger down put the next finger down then begin again in case you hear fire engines up the street on a Sunday morning in case you’re getting divorced again & moving to another house a haunted duplex that holds fleshy true injured children in case you have to move in the middle of the night with your infant son & your ex-husband lets your feral cat shoot out the door a cat named Fledge tiny & gray with stripes while you move books & records even after you warn him to be careful put one finger down put the next finger down in case you go to the old house at three in the morning every day for months calling Fledge sobbing her name even though the loss of Fledge is much worse than the loss of your husband put one finger down put the next finger down record it in case you need to make order of the senseless wolf world in case your brother has a child he never gets to see in case the boy was born in a dank ugly town then whisked away from your brother or you were whisked away so you never knew each other put one finger down put the next finger down in case your father moved to different state to start a brand new family with three brand new daughters but tells you he’s sorry he’s sorry he left you with her one month before his heart explodes & you lose him forever put one finger down put the next finger down if you want to be a writer in case you were raped in front of your own goddamned house in a familiar car put one finger down put the next finger down this is how you do it this is how to write open your mouth outside on a wintry day & see if birds don’t fly out see if they don’t fly right out riding your plumed breath cover your ears & open your mouth to hear birds whisper to one another this is how to do it one finger at a time moving over the waves that’s right now get up & scream your fool head off one finger one letter one word at a time.

2 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Absolutely blown away.
You have mastered the art of Kintsugi.

Radish King said...

Ah Mary, thank you darling. And thank you for being my flashlight through April.
Love
Rebecca